Jordan Peterson - Best marriage advice ever! How to train your spouse.
How to train your spouse.
Source: • 2016 Lecture 03 Maps of Meaning: Part... (1:02)
This video details out how to have your partner train YOU properly so that you BOTH can have a long loving relationship. Share this video with your spouse and heck anyone else you know that may benefit from it!
Here is how Dr. Peterson says it works:
How to train your spouse:
1. Ask your spouse what exactly would make them feel loved.
2. Ask them to be specific in what actions you could take (quality time with me, watch a movie, say hello to me when I walk into the room, physical touch, kind words I could say, take a walk with me after dinner, ect.).
3. Tell them if they observe you voluntarily preforming said request, then they would be wise to reward you by….which leads us to the next step.
How to train yourself.
1. Get clear on exactly what you would make you happy.
2. Tell them exactly what actions they could take to communicate their love to you.
3. If you observe them performing the behavior you asked them to voluntarily, then reward them judiciously. (see “How to train your spouse for details)
Its an endless cycle. The most powerful attribute this approach has is that, once you know the formula, you can upgrade the process as you grow together. For example, the things that made you happy before you had children will not be the same after you have children because our priorities change.
You may be asking but what if he or she doesn’t return the favor? This is a fundamental question of any long-term relationship. I guess you can just give up on the whole thing, throw in the towel and get a divorce. Or you can begin the cycle again and give some much needed mercy to the person you have fallen so deeply in love with.
Jordan has described what I believe is one of the most powerful marriage tools I know of. If you’re not willing to go first…then who should? The choice is yours.
John – Optimize Nurse
PS Jordan also makes the very important point that, we would be wise to notice what they have done right, now what they have done wrong. After you reward them, feedback on how it could be improved is fine to give, but make it an action they can perform and DO NOT attack their character.
PPS I am not saying this is easy. But I believe there one could argue that it is necessary if we want to maintain our relationships for the long term.
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