Summary & Takeaways from Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child
In this video, I'm going to give a summary and my takeaways from the 1990 book Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child by Margaret Paul and Erika Chopich.
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*** A full transcript can be found at www.marblejar.net. ***
Hi, everyone. This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and in today's video I'm going to give a summary and my takeaways from the 1990 book Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child by Margaret Paul and Erika Chopich.
I've gone down a bit of a rabbit hole recently reading about Inner Child work. I recently did a video summary of Robert Jackman's book Healing Your Lost Inner Child, but the book today, written in 1990, is one of the seminal resources on this topic and still has much to teach us.
Here is the overall map to my book videos: I give an overview which covers a quick summary of the book, the audience, and some background on the authors; then I review the structure of the book and give some additional content; I'll give my recommendation and an explanation; and finally, I'll review 5-10 takeaways that were either surprising or new information for me. First, an
Overview
This book was written by two mental health therapists, one of whom has explicitly spoken to her Inner Child for as long as she can remember and thought that everyone else also did this routinely. When she described this interior practice to the other author, this book was born. It is written for a layperson to understand their inner child and parent, but is also a great resource for other therapists who are interested in bringing this work to their clients.
This book describes the inner child (both loving and unloved) and the inner adult (both loving and unloving) that we all have within us. The authors talk about the state of higher self that we can achieve when our loving inner child is being parented by our loving adult. And also the problems that can occur when our unloved child is parented by our unloving adult including codependence, low self esteem, and poor decision making. They then give some processes on how to reparent your inner child in a loving way on your own, in therapy, and with groups like a 12 step program.
Structure
There are two parts to this book: the first part provides some education on the important terms and concepts:
Chapter 1 - defines the Inner Child and discusses how the it can feel unloved, abandoned, and alone when the Inner Adult disconnects from it.
Chapter 2 defines the Inner Adult, which can be loving or unloving by being either an authoritarian or permissive inner parent.
Chapter 3 talks about how, when the loving inner adult and child connect, that creates our higher self. When they are not connected, our ego or false self is active, which has a variety of protective and false beliefs that we are bad, unlovable, defective, unimportant, or not enough.
Chapter 4 talks about co-dependence, which is a result of the ego trying to get its sense of self and worth through other people -- making those people responsible for their feelings and sense of self.
Chapters 5 & 6 are about connection and how accessing the loving Inner Child is important to connect to others, develop good self esteem, and worthwhile passions.
Chapter 7 discusses how the inner child reacts to bad internal parenting in 3 ways: compliance, control, and resistance. They go on to talk about how to become a loving Inner Adult through unconditional and dependable love and action.
The second part of the book lays out processes for doing the loving parenting of your inner child.
Chapter 8 is the workhorse of the book, giving processes and questions to begin your re-parenting process through dialog between your inner adult and child. The authors suggest that this should happen either in writing or out loud at first. This process involves exploring your fears and limiting beliefs and establishing trust between your child and adult.
Chapter 9 reviews the fears that can make you get stuck in this process. From fearing the child's anger and pain to fear of failure and discovering your core self is unlovable.
Chapter 10 discusses the concept of mothering and how we all need nurturing from others sometimes. This chapter also delves into physical touch and the concept of open and closed pain. B
The final 3 chapters discuss getting help in therapy, 12 step programs, and how only a commitment to practice will create real connection so that we can operate from our higher self. . . .
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