Jordan Poole Career High 38 Points Full Highlights (5/14/2021)
As far as I could tell, at no point during this broadcast did either commentator remark that what was going on was a "Poole Party".
I would understand, or perhaps even expect, such blatant negligence from a two-bit operation like Bally Sports. But this is ESPN we're talking about. The self-proclaimed leaders in sports coverage. They control (despite my subversive efforts) the state of sports-related discourse in America. They have the resources to find the best people (though those resources have apparently not discovered me yet, not like I would want to work for them anyway, I saw what they did to Zach Lowe), the best production people, and the best commentators.
But apparently those "best" commentators couldn't even, during the whole game where Jordan Poole was kicking the Pelicans' collective asses up and down the court, bring viewers' attention to the ass-kicking with a clever turn-of-phrase like "It's a Poole party in here!" or "looks like the Pelicans were invited to the Poole party!". Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting and shameful. They behead people for less in certain parts of the world.
I give Hubie Brown a bit of a pass on this one. Not a full pass, but a partial one. He's old. He's not senile like Marv Albert, but he's just OLD. He probably doesn't even know what a pool party is (for those outside the US who may be uninformed, let me inform you: a pool party is a type of party that occurs at a swimming pool, usually a swimming pool at a private residence, and the whole point of it is to see chicks in bikinis [remember to where sunglasses so you don't look like a creep] and maybe talk to them [maybe], so if you get to a pool party and you see nothing but dudes, that's when you turn around and find a different pool party that isn't a sausage fest), because when he was at the partying age, the predominant type of party was the "ball-room dance". But Mark Jones, the other commentator, had no excuse. He's hip. He's with it. And he totally dropped the ball.
Now, I didn't fully listen to the whole broadcast. Maybe the dropped the line at some point other than where Poole was scoring his 38 points. And if that's the case, I take back everything I said. But really, how likely is that? That at some random point in the game, maybe while Poole was chilling on the bench, one of them just bleats "POOLE PARTY!!!!!" and then returns to the matter at hand? Puh-leeze.
So if ESPN isn't going to say it, DownToBuck, bearer of illumating light and triumphator over ignorance, will: this was a total "Poole Party" by Jordan Poole. There was no doubt about it. He was partying. He was Poole. The Pelicans were invited, so he could splash all over them. They were drenched in his voluminous wet loads by the time the game was over. Soaked straight to the bone. 38 points worth, including the game-winning shot with 20 seconds left. To continue the pool party analogy, Poole was the confident muscly dude who was talking to all the bikini-clad chicks, and the Pelicans were the timid rejects, still wearing their t-shirts to cover up their moobs. And DownToBuck was the dude who was absconding with all the snacks while no one was paying attention because he doesn't mess with pools, and he DEFINITELY doesn't mess with women. He's done with women forever.
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